November 30, 2020
This month was supposed to be spent in Morocco. I didn’t really know what to expect from Morocco… but I was excited. I hoped for beautiful beaches against the bluest of oceans. Mediterranean colors and texture, intricate yet simple architecture. Vast deserts, dotted with camels and nomads. So many new flavors that I’ve never tasted but already knew I would love. Markets full of faces and colors, but in a different way than Turkey. In my dreams, Morocco felt exotic; like a wild adventure.
It would have been final debrief, which meant maybe an all-squad month; a bunch of crazy worship sesh’s that only got sweeter and deeper and more intense as the year progressed, scoping out all the local food joints for group outings with my fam, sweet one-on-one time, and wild and crazy God moments on the daily. So much laughter, so many tears. We would be doing our best to wrap our minds around the last 11 months. We would be closing a chapter, saying final words to our Squad-mates, sharing our heart at least one more time. We would have so many questions about moving forward, about what’s coming next, about how we were supposed to talk about what the heck just happened. But we would all be there together, standing at that precipice hand in hand, working up the courage to jump together.
All of this feels like a dream. A fleeting image of something that fades so fast once you wake up… Something you wish you could revisit or jump back into, relive the dream once again, but you can never quite access it…
This year has had so many of these moments, when all of a sudden I realize I should be somewhere else, that it’s not supposed to be this way. Where my mind wanders to what it would have looked like or what might have happened. Who we would have encountered, what I would have learned. It’s moments when my sister makes a favorite recipe, Moroccan Chicken and I jump on a squad call later that night, that I honestly wish it could be different.
Although this year was nothing like what I imagined, it was still full of blessing. I believe there was and is purpose in it all and a bigger picture that I can’t see. But I also realized that there’s space to grieve a dream that died. To actually feel sad and disappointment about mis-expectations. To mourn the should be’s and could have beens. And then… you can let go of the dream and move forward. Then you can trust the Lord with new dreams.
Roasted Moroccan-Spiced Chicken with Grapes (in case anyone was interested)
https://www.myrecipes.com/recipe/roasted-moroccan-spiced-grapes
Beautifully said Jenn
COVID has robbed many people of many things but we just need to trust the Lord and His plan. Hugs from Australia and God Bless
“Trust the Lord with new dreams.”
Spot on. God doesn’t make any mistakes. Trust and obey, for there’s no other way…. Love you!